Getting divorced sucks. Being divorced does not. Allow me to add a tiny caveat to previous statement; being free of a relationship that no longer serves you and having the freedom to do what you like, most definitely does not suck. However, dating after divorce can be tricky to put it mildly. Even more so if you happen to live in Geneva, where the locals are notoriously standoffish. Even so, I have gone on my fair share of dates post apocalypse divorce. To say that it has been interesting would be the understatement of the century. It has been a full-on adventure; I was a fish out of water. Decades had passed since the last time I was on the dating scene, and it had changed significantly. Hello smart phones and dating apps. It was a whole new world. I prepared myself as best I could, but let’s be honest, dating in this new digital era is not something you can really prepare for. You just must dive right in. I have found the following tips to be quite helpful while navigating the rough seas of dating.
1. Download a dating app. Unfortunately, long gone are the days where you might bump into a potential mate while doing any number of random activities. I know for some of us of a certain age the idea of finding a mate by swiping through a stack of photos is ludicrous. But it is what it is, and this is dating in 2022. We spend so much of lives online anyway. The options are endless: Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and Inner Circle. Might as well give it a try, what have you got to lose?
2. Be open. Do find yourself always attracted to the same type of person? How has that worked out for you? In my opinion, this is the major benefit of these apps. You have at your fingertips hundreds of potential matches that you would have never encountered as you go about your daily routine. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Variety is the spice of life.
3. Have a plan. As with all things in life a little planning goes a long way. I do not mean planning out every minute of your upcoming date. Rather, I mean know what it is you are interested in and are looking for. After all, you have just come out on the other side of a divorce. Know your boundaries. Are you looking for adventures and good times? Are you looking for a serious long-term relationship? Or do you just want to meet new people? Whatever it is you are interested in, there is something out there for everyone, trust me. Asking and answering these questions will make it that much easier for you to decipher all the noise the apps can create.
4. Dress the part. This should go without saying, but I will say it anyway. You only get one chance to make a first impression. I get it life can be rough and some days are better than others but if have accepted a date with someone, please put some effort into your appearance. It shows that you care about yourself and that you are keen to make a lasting impression. You would be surprised by what a little lipstick and a sassy outfit can do to boost your confidence.
5. Be yourself. As Oscar Wilde so cleverly pointed out, “everyone else is already taken.” Here you are single and ready to mingle. I am sure you learned some important life lessons while wading through Separation Lake and Divorce Sea. If you learned anything, I hope it is this: you are ENOUGH! For whatever reason, you have been given another chance to find a mate. Do you really want to waste it pretending to be someone you are not? It never works out. It requires too much energy to maintain. You are unique. You are magic. You are YOU and that is your superpower. There is somebody out there waiting for you, exactly as you are.
“He has to impress you-not the other way around. You are the prize.”- Steve Harvey